Dysphoria in the Shower

Let’s talk about showering —

I wanted to do a shoot capturing the mental growth I’ve had when it comes to showering. My dysphoria is not nearly as bad as it used to be, but I know how hard showering is for a lot of trans folk so I hope this shoot resonates with some of you, especially if you’re struggling with this at the moment. 

I used to despise showering. Quite literally hated everything about it. It felt like I was weighted down by all this extra stuff on my body that I didn’t want. (Hence the clothes in the shower for the shoot) I never wanted to look in the mirror, I hated my body so I hated anything that had to do with looking at it. I mean, nothing you can really avoid when you’re showering. But I thought I’d include some tips and advice for anyone who might need it. There’s some things I’ve done that definitely helped in the past and some things other people have done to help with their dysphoria showering so so listed them below for anyone reading :) 

• Lower the lights 

  Don’t necessarily shower in pitch black darkness but I never liked showering with the lights on full blast so it definitely helped me to dim the lights a bit and shower in a darker setting. Maybe even grab a little night light or something like that to have in there while you shower so it’s not completely dark. I had colorful strip lights in my apartment bathroom which helped a lot because you can choose a color and it’s honestly a vibe rather than showering in daylight. 

• Cover the mirror

  If you’re that uncomfortable with yourself to a point where you actually can’t look in the mirror, cover it! Use a towel or a sheet or turn the mirror around so you don’t even have to bother with the dysphoria when you see yourself.

•  Use a thicker sponge

  Another piece of advice I have heard is to use a thicker sponge. This helps because it provides some sort of barrier between your hand and your body. That way, you don’t have to be physically touching the parts of your body that make you uncomfortable.

• Bathe with some clothes on

  I promise it’s not weird to shower with some of your clothes on. Do whatever makes you the most comfortable, so if that means you want to wear a shirt when you shower, no one’s stopping you. It’s better than not washing yourself at all so if you’re dreading taking a shower because you don’t want to take your clothes off, keep some of them on. Maybe shower with your underwear on or exercise clothes.

• Play music

  This is a really good way to distract yourself from the fact that you’re actually showering. Play your favorite artist or your favorite song that way you have something to focus on that’s not yourself.

• Work out before

  Get yourself sweaty before the shower that way it can be a quick and much needed rinse off after your workout. You’ll be tired at this point so the only thing on your mind will just be getting clean.

At the end of the day, a lot of people don’t realize how hard simple things like showering is for trans folk because they’ve never experienced dysphoria. It’s a lot harder than you could imagine so I’m hoping these photos and this blog can bring that much needed awareness for my community.

If you’re trans and you’re reading this and you’ve been putting off showering recently, you can do it. Try some of the tips I included above and if you did shower, I’m proud of you. You’re doing great and I promise that it’ll get easier because it definitely got easier for me. It just takes time.