Pronouns
Let’s talk about pronouns…
In honor of International Pronouns Day, I wanted to dedicate a shoot to the important of pronouns, especially for the queer community. I used sticky notes as a reminder to people, especially cis people, to stop misgendering trans folk. Getting misgendered, especially purposefully, takes me back to a time in my life I never wanted to experience again. It’s hard to explain, but in the most simplest terms, it genuinely feels like a small, tiny pinch in your heart. Misgendering is unfortunately a common problem for trans people and I’m hoping to raise awareness for the issue itself as well as educate people on pronouns in general and how/when to use them. At the end of the day, using the correct pronouns is all about respect.
To start, if you don’t know what they are, they’re simply just words that are used to express your gender. What’s so important about them? Well, they’re essentially how we identify ourselves apart from our name. Examples would be she/her or he/him or gender neutral pronouns such as “they/them” or “ze/hir”. If you’re unsure of someone’s pronouns, it’s OKAY to ask. Don’t just assume someone’s pronouns based on their expression. By providing an opportunity for people to tell you their pronouns, you’re letting them know that you care about not wanting to misgender them and that you’re not assuming based on their appearance.
Pronouns are not hard. But people’s understanding of them apparently is. For me, you tell me your pronouns and I respect it. Past, present, and future. Nothing more to it. But for some people, they cannot comprehend the fact that someone wants to go by they/them because it’s “more than one person”. The one and only thing I need to say to that is if you didn’t know someone’s gender and you were talking about them you would refer to them as “they/them” would you not?
It’s about respect. If you cannot “handle” using specific pronouns for someone because they asked then you simply do not respect them as a human being. It’s not “too hard” for you, you just don’t want to bother with it because you don’t respect someone’s gender.
If you’ve never heard of someone’s pronouns, simply just use whatever they tell you the same way you would use she/her or he/him for someone. They are words used in place of nouns. There are so many pronouns in the world so it’s ultimately up to you and ONLY you to decide what fits right for you. That means you can change your pronouns however many times you’d like until you feel it’s right. When I first came out I asked my friends to start with they/them because I thought it would be easier for them to ease into he/him. I shouldn’t have been so focused on making others comfortable and I should’ve been focused on what pronouns made me comfortable. I never identified with they/them because my pronouns are he/him. Just because you think you might not pass for a certain pronoun at the time or you think people won’t be able to understand or get the hang of it, doesn’t mean you should go by ones that don’t feel right. Once you figure them out, don’t be afraid to tell people to respect them.
If you need it spelled out I included a nice graphic from the University of Connecticut for you to understand better :)
Another important thing to note is that if you are talking about a trans person in past tense, you STILL USED THEIR CURRENT PRONOUNS. There is no need to out someone when talking about their childhood by using their old pronouns. Like yes, I went by she/her for 21 years of my life. But does that mean every time you talk about my past I want to hear you misgender me? Absolutely the f*ck not. So respect someone’s current pronouns in past, present, and future tenses.
What are some ways to help make pronouns more inclusive for trans folk?
Put pronouns in your bio!
Put pronouns in your email signature
If you’re a teacher, ask your students for their pronouns on the first day and have them exchange them with their peers
NORMALIZE ASKING FOR SOMEONE’S PRONOUNS
If you need resources about pronouns, how to use them, practice using them, etc check out pronouns.org for more information!
