Loving Your Scars
Loving your scars…
2 years ago I was finally able to get the surgery that I needed to finally feel comfortable in my body. Top surgery was a need for me and I wanted to do a shoot to talk about the scars of top surgery and loving your body after. I don’t like to talk much about my personal feelings about my experience so I do it through my art. I wanted this photoshoot to bring beauty to the trans body. My girlfriend bought me flowers for my 2 years post op today and I wanted to use them in this shoot to represent personal growth in loving your scars. Your scars are beautiful but it’s okay to take time to love them yourself.
It’s been extremely hard for me to continue to love my body when my brain keeps picking at more things to hate. I hate that taking my shirt off immediately outs me as trans because of my scars. I hate that my scars are now something else to add to the list of things I need to take care of to feel okay with my body. I hate that although I was lucky enough to get gender affirming surgery I’m still not comfortable enough simply being shirtless in my own home. There’s still a lot of growth I need to do to get to the point of really being able to love my body, nevermind my scars.
I wish it was easy for me to say that I love my scars. Although a part of me really does love them, there’s always going to be a part of me that hates how they look. It’s been two years since I had top surgery and sometimes I look at them and it’s like nothing has changed about them. I just wish they were less obvious…
Don’t get me wrong, I KNOW how lucky I am to have been able to get top surgery so soon in my transition. I started testosterone in April of 2020 and got top surgery in January of 2021. Luckily I had pretty good insurance to cover most of it and was able to raise money for myself to cover the rest. Surgery saved my life. Binding was dangerous for me because I did it so often to the point where I’d have serious back pain. I’d sleep with it on because I couldn’t bear being without it. For any other trans individuals who haven’t had surgery and are currently binding, PLEASE be safe. If you have had top surgery and you’re in the process of loving your scars, it takes time. The first time I saw my chest after top surgery I sobbed. It was an unreal feeling for me to finally see my body and love it. It was one of the best moments of my life. Something I hope every trans person gets to experience one day.
However, as time went on I started to become more uncomfortable with other parts of my body. My bottom dysphoria became severely worse, I started to hate on the extra bit I have around my hips. I’m back in this dysphoric place of not being able to look at my body without hating something about it, including my scars. My hip dysphoria is so severe I’ve started looking into other gender affirming surgeries to help with it. I became tired of having scars that were so obvious to pointing out who I am. Taking my shirt off in public became a trigger for me because I didn’t want to immediately out myself or deal with the stares. I went on vacation this past year and couldn’t even be happy being on the beach in Mexico snorkeling because I was so worried about what people might say about my scars or what they might think. It affects my daily life. I’m still working on loving them and I’ve been trying my best to take care of them as much as I can. Your scars do not define you. I need to remind myself of that.
There are a lot of scar care products that are great for treating your scars after surgery. One important thing to note though is to wait until your incisions have closed before using any topical scar treatment. Below is a list of scare care treatment options for you to use post - surgery!
Massage! - Simply massaging your scars everyday will help bring blood flow back into them to help them heal
100% Natural Cocoa Butter Formula - Amazon
Bio - Oil - Amazon
Mederma Scar Care - Amazon
Cocoa Butter Scar Care Formula - Amazon
CicaTape Silicone Strips for Sun Prevention - Amazon
CicaLux Scare Care Remedy - https://cicalux.com/
There are many other treatment options you can use, these are just ones I have tried that have helped me!
A reminder to those who haven’t had surgery; You don’t need it to be valid in your identity. You are exactly who you feel you are no matter how many surgeries you’ve had or haven’t had.
