Gaining Male Privilege After Transitioning
In honor of International Women’s Day, I wanted to do a shoot to bring awareness to the concept of male privilege. As a trans man, gaining male privilege after transitioning has been extremely disturbing for me. I hate that I’m suddenly privileged simply because I now appear as a cis white man in today’s society. But I want to use that privilege to talk about issues like this.
Femininity should never be seen as a weakness. Women are just as capable as any man, and society needs to start treating them that way. My hope is that this post brings awareness to this issue and encourages people to recognize the privilege they may have—and how they can use it to support others.
I lived 21 years of my life as a woman so I’ve experienced the difference in treatment when being perceived as a woman versus a man. The minute I started passing, I was immediately treated differently. Not just by men, but by everyone. I was treated better by society in general because people were reading me as a young, white, straight cis male instead of a woman. The difference is, I recognize my privilege. Although I am a trans man, I don’t immediately out myself in public, so people treat me with that privilege. Before transitioning the differences in how people talked to me and treated me was completely different.
Here are 8 ways men have treated me differently now that they see me as a man…
My opinion never mattered as much - Before transitioning it seemed like anytime I had an opinion, men would overlook it. Now when I share my opinion, men actually listen.
I was always talked over - Men constantly talked over me. I could never get a word in without a man butting in with his opinion. Now, they let me talk. They let me be apart of the conversation instead of talking at me.
No one took me seriously - Men could never believe that I, as a woman in the past, knew something that they didn’t. It’s like it was impossible for a woman to prove a man wrong. As a man now, I could say the same thing I said when I was perceived as a woman and be taken 10x more seriously simply because of my gender.
I was looked at like an object - I experienced the cat calls and the constant stares. I was treated like an object to men. Now as a man, I respect women enough to not comment on how their ass looks in whatever pants they’re wearing or how big a girl’s breasts are. Men will make comments to me now, as if I’m going to support the comments they make about women in public. They see me as a man and immediately think I’m going to disrespect a girl with them and think it’s funny. But I was in their place once. It’s not that hard to keep your eyes to yourself.
Men couldn’t keep their hands to themselves - Whenever I was at a bar or a club, I would always get the random ass grabs or the guys trying to grind on you without permission. They couldn’t keep their hands to themselves. Now, if a guy accidentally bumps into me, they panic because they’re worried someone might think they’re gay. That contrast says a lot… Just because you’re walking behind her doesn’t mean you need to put your hands on her back. Just keep them to yourself. I don’t know why that’s so difficult for men…
I wasn’t capable of anything - Men rarely asked me for help before transitioning. They wanted to prove they could do everything themselves, and they didn’t see me as someone who could contribute. Now I experience men constantly asking for help with things, lifting something heavy, moving something out of the way, carrying something, etc. They always assume I’m capable. They never did before.
No didn’t mean no – I’ve met very few women who haven’t experienced some form of sexual harassment or abuse. The fact that it’s more common to meet someone who has experienced it than someone who hasn’t is heartbreaking. I went through abuse myself before transitioning, and I wouldn’t wish that feeling on anyone. Don’t assume a woman wants something just because you’re a man. Consent matters. Always.
I can walk home alone at night – Before transitioning, walking home alone at night wouldn’t even have been a question—it simply wasn’t safe. Now I have the privilege of doing it without thinking twice, simply because I’m a dude.
There are many more examples, but these are just a few that show how drastically treatment can change when someone is perceived as male instead of female. It’s sad that this is still a reality, but in today’s society men are often treated as superior.
I want my work to challenge that idea. It’s the least I could do as a man.
Sexism still exists, whether people want to acknowledge it or not. There needs to be more equality in this world, and I hope my work can help push that conversation forward… even if it’s just one small step at a time.
Happy International Women’s Day to all the strong, resilient, and powerful women out there.
