Normalize Queer Sex and Intimacy

Every Valentine’s Day, we see the same thing: ads centered around straight couples. The same type of love story. The same type of bodies.

Queer couples are rarely included. Trans people especially, are left out of that conversation and almost never portrayed as desirable partners.

When we are represented, it’s often fetishized, erased, or reduced to trauma.

That lack of representation matters. Media shapes who society sees as attractive, lovable, and worthy of intimacy. When you never see bodies like yours included, it can impact how you feel about yourself.

I’ve had phases in my life where I didn’t feel valid enough in my body to be fully present during sex. I’ve had sexual experiences with people who didn’t affirm my gender, didn’t use the right language, or pushed past my comfort. Those experiences changed how I felt about intimacy for a long time.

Things shifted when I got into a relationship where I felt safe and affirmed.

Being with someone who consistently respects my identity, checks in about language, and doesn’t pressure me outside of my comfort zone completely changed how I experience sex.

For me, confidence has also come from finding gear that actually supports my body.

My favorite is the Stede Pack & Play from Bornwear. What I appreciate about it is that it doesn’t rely on inserts or pump systems. It has a balanced firmness — flexible enough for daily packing but structured enough for intercourse. The internal stroker opening is designed to align with anatomy and focus on friction rather than suction, which makes it feel more secure and less distracting during use.

Underwear is just as important.

I wear Paxsies most often because it keeps everything in place and positioned correctly throughout the day.

The Magic Skin packing band is another solid option. It’s made from 100% skin-safe silicone, customizable in 66 skin tones (or photo-matched), easy to wash, and designed to move naturally with your body. Having the right support makes a noticeable difference in comfort and confidence.

But at the end of the day, you need the right partner too.

You need someone who:

• Affirms your gender without hesitation.

• Uses the language you prefer.

• Respects your boundaries.

• Doesn’t treat your body like a curiosity or a debate.

I’ve had traumatic experiences with the wrong people. It took time — and the right person — to rebuild my relationship with sex. That’s why I talk about this openly.

Trans people deserve to feel desired. We deserve to see ourselves in Valentine’s ads.

Representation isn’t about being trendy. It’s about being recognized as fully human.

Queer intimacy exists.

Trans desire exists.

And both deserve visibility.